Tuesday, 26 January 2010

On evacuation, Politics and all that jazz:

Right, well im back in Abuja, not really by choice but VSO told us to pack a bag and get our bums back to the capital

If I was a journalist I would have written it like this:

We were leaving, the driver seemed anxious to get away as soon as possible. As we left we saw smoke rising above the city. The burnt out wrecks of cars and lorries littered the road back to the capital, the road was almost deserted, a huge change to the dense traffic of just a few months earlier. When we arrived at the capital there were long tailbacks of cars pressing into the city, each piled high with the meagre belongings of the occupants. In the days before we left armed gunmen prowled the streets and soldiers moved in convoy through the centre of the city.

The above is normal for Nigeria, drivers always drive fast, there’s a fuel shortage so less transport between cities, someone’s always burning rubbish, crashes are not cleaned up and armed people are always wandering about. Unfortunately, the above is much better copy and that’s what sells newspapers.

The reasons for the evacuation was due to the trouble in Jos where between 50-400 people have been killed in rioting/ethnic violence. Nigeria is no stranger to this kind of problem (in seems to happen almost every year somewhere), however this time there are additional complications. The president was taken to hospital in Saudi Arabia last November whilst the rest of the country was charging at brick walls and sacrificing rams, he has not been seen since and has only given a single quick phone interview to the BBC in which he sounded like a man who should seriously consider making sure he wasn’t overcharged on his latest estimated gas bill.

Before he left he didn’t hand over to his deputy, this has caused a power vacuum. There are many things Nigeria needs, power vacuums are very low down the list (average length of democracy between military dictatorships – 4 years, mean reversion is not this country’s friend). The president’s absence has given lots of people plenty of time for extensive plotting, a popular Nigerian past time. A number of law cases and parliamentary motions have now brought all of this to a head and it looks like the whole issue will have to be sorted in the next couple of weeks.

The only constitutional option is for the VP to take over until the next elections (early elections are not allowed), unfortunately this breaks the unwritten rule that presidential power shifts from north to south every 2 terms. Any change in power would also lead to a re-shuffle of the men at the top from Yar’Adua loyalists to Goodluck loyalists, so those currently in power (the cabinet) have the most to lose from any transfer of power and have apparently dug their heels in. Nigeria also doesn’t have a history of people giving up power willingly (i.e. once in power the VP will run for become president in the next election), so “people” are sceptical that any transfer of power will be corrected to the “agreed” distribution in 2011.

If the constitutional options aren’t forthcoming, then there is the looming shadow of the unconstitutional options, which basically means a military coup, which is what quite a few of the more politically minded Nigerians i have spoken to think will happen.

Also there might be another group of people who disagree with the idea of a President Goodluck Jonathan on the grounds it would sound silly and give tabloid headline writers far too easy a ride (try getting a pun out of Yar’Adua).

Watch this space as something will happen soon.... I’ll open the comments to bets (my reckoning of the odds in order: vice president takes over, military coup, An Other, president comes back)

Hopefully i’ll be back in Kaduna by Monday.


This post was written last Wednesday but I thought I would hold off publishing until the dust settled a bit. I am now back in Kaduna, everything seems fine. Also in an update the military have effectively been confined to barracks, this may or may not change the chance of a military coup.

I would also like to welcome my first confirmed sighting of a reader who is not just my mum. Hello random follower number 12 (I give you all pet numbers based on the order in which you join).

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Computer training Nigerian Style

Today I did something actually worth writing about, this was the first of the lessons my organisation (which mainly consists of me) are running on computers. We have a 16 moderately new, moderately functioning computers which for Nigeria means we should be running the local space program.

The local schools are being very Nigerian about starting the training and hopefully the main program will start in Feb (the response we got from schools was the entire spectrum from enthusiasm, to "what is my cut?") My friends at the deaf school (see previous post) jumped at the chance to have computer training and this morning I was promised a bus load of deaf kids to experiment on!

Having made sure I was at work at 8:30 on the dot giving me half an hour before they arrived, ample time I reasoned to deal with the inevitable problems that being in Nigeria causes. As expected someone had locked the room containing the flip chart (for writing class rules and objectives) and instead of 8 extension cables required to run the computers without UPSs I was proudly presented with a single extension cable with 8 sockets, which although fulfilling the basic requirements does somewhat miss the point that users find computers much more useful if they are able to sit at/near them.

I had also made sure there was enough diesel to run the generator for the entire day. All this was to no avail. What I should have checked was that they had bought diesel and not some half-diesel-half-petrol-guaranteed-to-F-up-any-engine mix.

So begins my first two hours of teaching in Nigeria, computer training with no electricity. One carefully planned lesson was in tatters, insightful monologues about the differences between office versions were (possibly thankfully) binned. Flexible and adaptable eh? I’ll show them.

Actually it turns out there’s quite a lot you can teach people who’ve never used computers before about computers without actually turning the thing on (not just “and as you can see it does make a wonderful paperweight”). Remembering the level you have to start at is a big thing, e.g. what the big button at the bottom of the keyboard does. Much confusion was caused by there being two enter keys, and me wanting them to find both, and not just one enter key then the number 2 key (try explaining that with made up on the spot sign language). Anyway this kind of fun was stretched out for a couple of hours.

The computers that did have UPS’s did have enough power in them to turn on for 10mins at the end, which was enough time for everyone to write their name, and play a typing game where letters fall from the top of the screen (kids really are entertained by anything a computer does) and go home happy. Considering what an unmitigated disaster I was expecting at 8:59 it turned out pretty well.

(apologies about lack of photos in the post, will try and add some more soon, internet connection dependant)



In other news I have moved house, into a house in the centre of town which used to be 2 other volunteers (Martyn and Clare) residence. The major advantage is that my commute has gone from just under an hour to 10 mins on the back of bike. This also makes getting home from evening socialising much easier. For those who are interested the exact grid ref is:10° 29' 51.63", +7° 25' 52.20" .

Being near a river, does have the unfortunate side effect of rats. At the moment I have seen just the one. I’ve never been keen on rats, probably something to do with the idea that they wee constantly and there is the whole historical grudge over the bubonic plague incident. Martyn the previous occupant bought a sticky mat, which seems to be a piece of cardboard covered with post it note glue, the idea is that the rat walks over it gets stuck and then is ready (and stationary enough?) for you to dispatch at your leisure. The designer of this instrument must have only had to deal with some pretty anaemic rats, I saw Mr Ratty run over this, slow slightly but only enough so he could see my broom hit the mat behind him as he slid under the kitchen door. The broom on the other hand does attach very solidly to the sticky mat...

Further updates of me verses Mr Ratty will be posted here (shortly and terminally I hope).

The NEPA had been amazingly almost 24 hours, up until about two hours ago... So it’s back to blogging in the dark.

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Nigerian Christmas

All work stops for about 2 weeks in Nigeria around Christmas, this allows everyone to go home to the “village” for Christmas (even the most hardened urbanite is from a village, even if this village is another city). The advantage of this is we get to have a couple of weeks to explore Nigeria.

Around Christmas volunteers are very gregarious, desperately trying to avoid the nightmare Christmas of being stuck on your own, sitting in the dark as there is no NEPA with no food and no booze and resorting to snorting powdered Larium as the only mind altering drug available

With this desperate prospect in mind I headed off back to Abuja for a couple of days or R&R hanging around the British village. This allowed us to gather up all available volunteers for the 11 hour (on a good day) bus ride to Calabar, which is a city in the south east corner of Nigeria. We opted for the “419” volunteer option of a real minibus costing the princely sum of N5,000 (£20) rather than the slightly cheaper option of 8 of us piling into sweaty 1950’s station wagon with 5 seats and would be guaranteed to break down at least every hour.

Nigerian bus companies take safety seriously, which is why they keep a pastor on the payroll to bless the bus and its contents before any journey. There is something moderately worrying about a man beseeching the lord to cover the bus, its driver, and passengers in the blood of Jesus, just before you set off. Perhaps a quick check of the tyre pressure, brake fluid and oil level might have been a little more reassuring? Anyway the blood covering option seemed to work as we arrived in Calabar after 11 hours of some of the scariest driving I have witnessed to date (anything with less than 4 wheels simply didn’t exist, and all manoeuvres were carefully planned ahead in the “i’ll pull out randomly and then the other car will swerve out of my way, neatly creating space in the oncoming traffic for me to overtake” school of driving.)

The next challenge was locating the volunteer’s house we were staying in, turns out “new airport road” isn’t very near the airport, new or otherwise.



Afi – Monkeys

Anyway after arriving in Calabar we still had a couple of days to Christmas so thought we would head up to a place called Afi where there is a Pan Drill Monkey rescue sanctuary. The place is completely in the middle of nowhere in the deepest darkest bush. Monkeys and isolation what more could you want from a holiday. The place is built in the middle of a beautiful area of rainforest, we were put up in open log cabins, with just netting round the side to keep the mossies out. We Fell asleep to the howls of monkeys and the background din of the rainforest, its a tough life being a volunteer. See below for pictures.









































As well as monkeys the Nigerian tourist board (???) got some Canadians in and built a canopy walkway. This was also pretty good and there are some more very dull photos below. Spot the obligatory shower under a waterfall photo, which is the main purpose of any year off.





































This place illustrates the Nigerian tourist problem, in any other country this place could command sky high prices and would attract people from all over the world. Being Nigeria there are a few people who have managed to find it by knowing someone who once met someone who told a story about a mythical monkey ranch in the hills and after a lot of searching managed to get the phone number of the people who can radio the lodge (it’s The Beach school of tourism I suppose).

Which is why Nigeria needs to develop its tourist infrastructure, but that would involve tackling both nigeria’s image problem and the corruption which makes it almost impossible to have a large scale business here.*insert standard volunteer rant here*



Calabar is quite tourist friendly, and attracts lots of Nigerians for Christmas. It also features a very non-Nigerian idea – Litter bins. The streets are leafy and clean, and there are even Christmas lights.




Christmas day


Temp – 30°C
Humidity - Lots
Sweat amount – 2L/hour



Christmas Dinner!



Christmas fun and games. I even managed to get a bit of internet via my phone. Which I used to much protest to download the queens speech from Youtube (it took about an hour and all my laptop battery life to watch the first 2 mins, but it was worth it).












Calabar carnival
The days after Christmas there are a couple of carnivals. A kids one on boxing day then the main event the day after. Think Notting Hill with less health and safety. Also the Nigerian police crowd control techniques are more stick than carrot. Luckily most of the crowd find police bating one of the more amusing activities available and will be smiling and laughing away as the police whack them with sticks. Being cheeky we wangled our way into the empty press box, seeing a couple of whites get in lead to a rush of people also trying it on, and pretty soon a press box built for no more than five people had about thirty, but at least we could see!

We also had a wander about, see photos.....

















From Dec-jan


As ever all the photos, plus some videos are at the link above.




Nigerian Morris dancers

Look at this, spot the bells, and the hankies. Yes these are Nigerian Morris dancers! My trip is complete, even if i have achieved nothing I will be happy knowing that there are Morris dancers in Nigeria. Now all we need to work on is the production of some scrumpy.











Hope you all had a good Christmas, please leave comments as its the only way I know if people are actually reading this stuff! In response to Jon I will produce a blog post of what I actually do at work all day soon. Things are a bit slow starting here and a blog of me attending meetings with random government people, schools etc would be a bit dull (but very Nigerian, they love pictures of meetings).